Happy First Birthday, Happy Jack!

This past week brought a lot of excitement to our house! With one turning nine and the other hitting a year old, both my brother and Hungry Jack had a birthday on Tuesday! They are such sweet birthday buddies, and it's hard to believe either of them is that old already.

We had a birthday party for my brother that night, but we waited until today to do Hungry Jack's party. In part because I ordered his gift too late, and it didn't arrive until the middle of the week. (Bad mommy!) We all had so much fun, though, and it was the best feeling to have my house full of family celebrating!

One year ago, I was all alone in a hospital room with a nurse, when my water broke. Immediately I called Superman (who was at work), and my mom (who was at church). An hour after they arrived to be at my side, my second little boy entered this world. He was 8lbs,  20.5 inches long, had brown hair, bluish-green eyes, ten fingers, and ten toes. Everything leading up to his birth was a fight and a struggle, and in that moment everything just became perfect. He was perfect.

Today he is so much bigger! His hair has lightened some, but his eyes have stayed green. He loves his big brother, his daddy, and even his (even bigger) puppy dog. He's a definite momma's boy, and it was on his birthday that he said "mom mom" for the first time! I love his smiles and his hugs. This year went by far too quickly, but I'm looking forward to all the coming ones. Happy birthday, Happy Jack!

First cake! 

Gone Away With A Friend

I really don't have much to add to what I wrote on Thursday, so this weekend I just wanted to share another song. I wish I had my friend, Rex Harrison's version... Anyway, this is called "Gone Away With a Friend."

Through It All

I'm standing in front of my computer, waiting for dinner to burn. Superman is recovering from a long day at work, Dash has snuck upstairs to play with the Kindle, and Hungry Jack pulls up on the trashcan to investigate it's contents. My blog post is four days late, and still I can't think of the words to day. My mood has turned dark, almost foul and inappropriate. I'm frustrated, and frustrated that I haven't had time to deal with it, and further frustrated by the fact that I know better....






Seven days ago... Thursday:
It was a fairly normal day for us. Wednesday had been maddening, but things were evening out. I generally like Thursdays, actually. That evening, Superman came across our LIFE board game, and he set it up on the floor. The boys, of course, were instantly all over the board and into the money, but we gave Dash the job of dolling out LIFE tiles, and I sat on the couch to keep Hungry Jack out of range. It was fun (I completely swept the game, too!), and we had a good laugh about the irony of the whole thing.

Everything was practically perfect... Afterward, I was browsing Facebook, and I saw that a friend knew someone who had been in a fatal accident. As I scrolled up, I saw more friends who were talking about this friend, this woman, who had lost her husband so tragically. I started to wonder who it was... And then someone mentioned her name. I did a double take. Wait a minute, that is my friend! I clicked over to her profile, and sure enough, her wall was flooded with messages of sympathy and condolence.

That morning, her husband was traveling along the highway, when another man who was going the wrong way collided with him head on. The other man was taken to a hospital and treated for his injuries. Her husband didn't make it. Just like that, a Christian leader, a husband, and a father of five was suddenly gone.

I was in shock. I called my parents' phones over and over until my mom finally answered. Accidents happen. People die. But those thing never happen to someone you know. They never happen to you. Until, one day... They do. I cried (inwardly, if not outwardly) all evening.

That night I didn't get much sleep. I lay awake, seeing my worst nightmare played out in reality in my friend's life.



Three years ago:
The first day of Spring, a huge storm moved into the area. Rain and hail overnight turned into snow the next day. Lots of snow. Superman was stuck with the emergency job of laying salt in the parking lot, and he was soaked. He called me to bring him some new clothes, and by the time Dash woke up from his nap, it was getting late. By the time we left the station, it was dark. Temperatures had fallen, and black ice formed like a ruthless demon on the highway. I remember every single second, from the moment I got into the left lane behind a semi and a Jeep, to the moment I was screaming at the 9-11 operator to send help. I remember the dizzying relief of finally getting off the roads. I remember the horrendous pain in my knee. I remember avoiding the sight of my crumbled (new) PT Cruiser to keep myself from vomiting. More than anything, I remember pressing myself against the driver's seat, watching oncoming headlights, and mentally seeing my death play out before my eyes.

It was a miracle I survived.

I fully believe God put his hand around my car that night, protecting me from anyone else who could have so easily hit that black ice.



Six days ago... Friday:
After tossing and turning all night, I finally plead with God to give me peace. Over and over I can vividly see the oncoming cars, one swerve away from horrific impact. It's a problem that I encounter even going down the road in broad daylight, especially as a passenger. My fear is not so much my or my loved ones' driving. It's the other people on the road, animals, elements, and the unknown. As I prayed, sleep finally enveloped me, and I was able to get a few hours rest before the boys got up.

I woke up to messages from a group of my mom friends. Everyone was upset, in shock, and looking for a way to help. Finally, a list was made of everyone willing to pitch in with whatever was needed after the funeral was over and extended family went home... Beyond that, there was nothing we could really do. I felt lost. I think we all did. He was a saved, Christian man. We all knew that he was already in Heaven with the Savior. It was just hard to believe that he really wasn't here anymore.

My friend had already stated her forgiveness to the other driver. God held her strong.

That night, we bought life insurance.



Three days ago... Monday:
Today was my grandparent's moving day, and everyone in my family was busy trying to help. Both of the boys had coughs that had persisted for a week, and were becoming slightly worse. I took them to the doctor, which consumed most of my morning. After we got home, Dash started to go pee in his underwear, but in the end made it to the toilet. I was so proud! He didn't release everything, though, and he went through four pairs of underwear and a billion trips to the bathroom before he got it all out. I threw in some Cheerios for him to aim at, and that seemed to helped him produce a longer stream. An hour later, we were both exhausted, but victorious. (I doubt Dash would complain much, anyway, since he ended up getting way too much candy after it was all said and done.) That night we picked up their prescriptions and ate McDonald's on the couch. Another day passed without much time to think or grieve...



One day ago... Wednesday:
Things at work have no been going well for Superman, and he was emotionally and physically wrung out. I woke up feeling uncertain. Neither of the boys were doing any better. As a matter of fact, Hungry Jack decided to throw up his breakfast all over me. Everyone was tired and cranky. I wanted wholeheartedly to go to the funeral, but it was impossible. Everything building up until now just made me more and more frustrated... And that made me feel guilty. It wasn't the boys' fault that I was having a hard time dealing with this. They needed their momma more than I needed healing. And what's more, who they heck was I to feel frustrated about such puny little hiccups in the road, when my friend was going through the hardest day of her life? I felt so selfish. Selfish because I still had my husband. Selfish because my crisis was having to call the insurance company because they originally denied one of Hungry Jack's prescriptions (for which we found an agreeable substitute). Selfish because I was frustrated. Selfish because my life was still the same.



Today... Thursday:

I heard that the funeral services went well, and that everyone is holding up as well as can be expected. She and her kids are surrounded by a lot of love, and a lot of family. As I've snatched moments last night and today to write, I've been able to collect my thoughts and get a little bit of perspective on everything. I think that at this stage in my life, I am starting to grieve differently than I have before. If that sounds familiar, it's because I said that after my grandpa died. There certainly are some parallels (for me), so this past week probably did strike a chord somewhere deep down. Which I think is okay. Grieving and healing take time. I find comfort in writing, and also in the Bible. My mom brought to mind a passage, and even though I already knew these things, it brought peace to my heart to read anew:

1 Thessalonians 4:13-18 (KJV)
 13But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. 14For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. 15For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. 16For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: 17Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord. 18Wherefore comfort one another with these words.

I am still very sad for my friend. And honestly, I still worry that something like that could happen to us. But I know that "... All things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to His purpose."(Romans 8:28 KJV). We may be sad for a time, but we won't be forever. In the meantime, everything will be alright. God has us in His hand.

In loving memory

Puppy Love

I know my husband loves me.

Due to some recent personal changes, I started to feel really down. It's funny how something so small can really screw with your head. Anyway, I have on my side some amazing friends always to lend an ear. I also have a husband who knows the things that usually cheer me up best. Most of the time, he'll bring me home a Pepsi, or chocolate (lots of chocolate), or sometimes even flowers. This time... Well, see for yourself!

He adopted a puppy for us! Awww! Well, okay he's not so much a puppy- he is HUGE! Blaze is a two year old Sheltie, possibly mixed with German Shepherd. His previous family was moving and couldn't bring him along, but it seems they really loved on him and trained him well. He will come, sit, shake, lay down, and fetch. He really loves the kids, too.We've been doing everything we can to show him we're his people. He's been a little shy, but he's come around pretty quick. As it turns out, Blaze been helping us with some adjustments, too!

Dogs need plenty of time outdoors, and since Blaze has joined us, we've been taking walks every day. Just the push to get outside for half an hour every day has made a huge improvement on everyone's mood.     It's been a great teaching opportunity, too. We cross the street several times as we go down the block, and so I've been showing Dash how to stop and look for cars. He doesn't really like to look (I think he's frustrated because at three he doesn't quite understand "is a car coming?"), but more important is the STOP, and he's got that down pat. Our city has these red wheelchair grips at the end of each sidewalk, and each time he runs down and plants his feet firmly on that spot to wait for us to all cross together.

Hungry Jack is usually pretty docile on our walks, riding on my hip in his sling, taking it all in. Sometimes he babbles, but the real talker is Dash. He tells me all about the mud, the other dogs who bark as we walk by, waves at people in their yard. Often, he'll hear the roar of a motor and yell, "Mommy! A motorcycle!" He's right every time. He's even taken up a new hobby: fishing.

He finds big sticks along the way, carrying them over his shoulder until he finds the perfect spot. He sticks it down in the imaginary water, waiting for fish to bite. I keep asking if we can have the fish for dinner, but I guess he hasn't caught anything worth keeping yet.

We've been making good use of the swingset, too. Dash is no longer afraid of the slide- he goes down over, and over, and over again! Blaze loves to fetch tennis balls, so my arm's been getting a workout. Not that I mind. We all have a blast! We're all pretty glad to have him as part of the family.

Yes, Spring has sprung, and we have all fallen in love... Puppy love.